nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
