Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
