Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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