Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The best revenge is premature balding
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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