The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
