she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it's not cheating when I paid for it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
