with your own penis?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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