I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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