Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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