No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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