Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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