Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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