i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
