Can Purell be used as lube?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
