anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize