Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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