I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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