chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
