and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
