his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
