Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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