Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize