Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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