They should really pass out barf bags in church
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
