this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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