Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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