my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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