We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
