Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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