My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My feet surprised me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
