I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
