the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
