Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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