i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
