What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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