He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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