hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
