my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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