my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
