Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize