When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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