She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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