But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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