are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
