guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
