I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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