Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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