btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
smell my finger.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
