I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
