He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize