my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
