wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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