I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
