i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
