I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
