i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
