In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
