If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
