that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
