your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
