I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
