you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
