Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
this will be a night to untag.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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