remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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