You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
