think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
