What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
