On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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