So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
