You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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