also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
